Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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