Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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