If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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