I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
