do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think my vagina is haunted
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
