My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
