I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
