I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
