grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
