Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
