we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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