god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
