so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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