i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
