So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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