Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
