Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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