I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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