Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
