Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
