So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
