I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
