apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pooping to opera.
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