I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
