I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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