I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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