i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
