your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk is a universal language darling
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