Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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