at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
