if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
