She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
