Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
