apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
