She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
