Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
