ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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