I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
