dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
