I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
