We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
