I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
