I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
