cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
