I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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