Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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