Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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