oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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