Already got asked if we're dating
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
