I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
