with your own penis?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
