Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
